This is a very interesting subject for me. As you probably know, I work as a Nanny. I have worked with children practically all of my working life. Yet when it comes down to having children of my own, do I really want them? I am still undecided.
When I was younger, I used to imagine being married and having a family by the time I was 30. I used to want to call my children Ben and Emma (like a certain TV show) and I would openly talk about wanting children with my friends at high school. Looking back, the only reason I wanted children by the time I was 30, was because that’s how my mum and dad did it. Mum had me at 25 and my sister a few years later. I guess I assumed that that was the way it was for a woman, and being settled by 30 was normal. So I sit here, now, at the age of 26, in a happy, long-term relationship, non married and no children, and you know what. I am happy about that.
I feel a sense of sadness that I assumed a woman’s main job in life was to bring children into this world and for a few years in my life, that was my expectation. I can’t specifically think of a point where I questioned having children and what I really wanted. However, getting into serious relationships I think gave me the reality check of settling down. When I was with my ex, we had a pregnancy scare, and I misread the test as Positive. I starting shaking, I couldn’t breathe, I was in a cold sweat and it felt like my whole world had come crushing down. Then when we realised the test was Negative and I will never forget the relief I felt and the pure joy I felt of not being pregnant.
When I have mentioned that story to family members, the response has always been, ‘Oh, well you were young, you will want children in a few years.’ But what if I don’t?! Almost 5 years on from that pregnancy test palaver, I am still nowhere nearer to wanting children. Both my boyfriend and I would be devastated if I fell pregnant now, whether that will change in the future I don’t know. I have friends around me that are pregnant and have babies, and as much as I love babies and children, do I want one of my own? Again, I am undecided however, no one knows what the future holds (S club 7 forever).
What I do know, is that you shouldn’t feel guilty or bad for saying you don’t want to get pregnant or have children. My mum, over the years has changed her response when I say that I don’t want children and I think that reflects the small changes happening in society. A woman is not brought to the earth just to provide children, nor are men here just for sperm. We have lives to live, and if it so happens that you don’t want children in yours, then that’s your decision.
Society is changing, we are more open and honest than ever and due this wonderful thing called technology, we can share our thoughts and opinions. Of course we still have a long way to go, in many areas, but no one should feel like they have to do something because of society. So just listen to you. You are the only person that truly knows how you feel about things, and you know what? If you don’t want children, so what?
Thank you for reading,